Tipping, you should!

I get that tipping is expensive.  I get that you don't like that people feel entitled to your money.

Perhaps you need to consider that you feel entitled to making an employee your personal servant for no extra pay.

There are all sorts of reasons people don't want to tip, but here are few that shouldn't be.

"It's your JOB."  Correct, however they are performing a luxury service for your benefit.   This is going to cost more than taking your chicken nuggets from the counter, which costs more than making rice at home.  There is a scale and you are only an ass for refusing to recognize it.

"I refuse to support big companies who are just making me pay fees for profit." (mostly applicable to delivery drivers)  You refusing to tip the driver has no impact on company policy.  None.  You refusing to tip the driver means the driver is going to be short money they need to service their car, fill it with gas, and pay the bills, because this same big company doesn't pay them anywhere near enough to keep up with the wear and tear on vehicles and in one recent case, require a class action lawsuit to increase the gas reimbursement to match rapidly rising gas costs.  You refusing to tip the driver tells them you think they're undeserving of the couple bucks they earned finding their way to your home at night because for whatever reason you couldn't make your own dinner.  What will get companies to change policy is for people to get carry out instead (the places usually don't expect tips for this) and then TELL THE COMPANY that you got carry out because you refuse to play into their unfair delivery practices.

"I can't afford it."  Then you can't afford this luxury service.

Seriously folks.  Tipping is a tricky road, but most folks who work for tips deserve them.  Please don't take out your irritations with the company with the person least likely to be able to change it.

My job rocks, it rocks so hard.

Because I got a new job, one that I'm going to stay with for quite some time I think.  (No, I know)

I now work at a zoo.  A ZOO.  I go to the ZOO EVERY DAY FOR WORK.  And yes, I do work things like selling and taking tickets that aren't terribly exciting, but I also do work things like driving people with mobility issues around the zoo in golf carts, and working in an aviary and showing people how best to feed birds and breaking up bird fights, and working concerts and getting to listen to the music, and watching out for an escapee from the wildlife show, and hearing the fucking LIONS ROAR, and watching the mountain goats and tigers all day, and I LOVE MY JOB.

And it's simple and largely stress free (though the aviary doors can be stressful since only about 15% of adults will read or listen), and I'm happy.  Just happy with what I'm doing.  Lots of my coworkers are planning on going back to school in the fall or moving on to other things and I am just content.  This is a perfect position for me to enjoy gov work, get paid appropriately for my time, and a great position to raise kids around, because I'm not stressed out of my mind and things like maternity leave can happen.

I started work at the zoo right before my high school reunion and I feel SO SUPERIOR to the rest of my class.

My job sucks, or, why I have a very good reason to say my job sucks

I"m getting really tired of hearing about how my generation (I'm a gapper btw, between Gen X and the Millenials) is lazy and can't commit and complains too much.  I'm especially tired of hearing this from baby boomers who have no idea the working class world they've created in their many years of terrible policy making.

I work retail at the moment.  I have a B.S. in Science and this is in the only job I could find in my city.  That's ok though, I'm willing to work and I typically advance in organizations quickly, so I'll do my best.  In my particular company I have experienced the worst series of trickle down, money saving policies I have ever come across.  To be trained for something, you read a worksheet, write down a few answers to questions and then must sign a form declaring you are an expert on the material.  Then you are expected to perform said task perfectly with little to no supervision, because having extra staff to train would cost more.  Any in person training (registers only) is completed within about 20 minutes and the new person is left to flounder with the remaining hundreds of (very serious) policies they didn't have time to learn while memorizing the process.  Employees are quizzed daily on things like the loss percentage and the yearly trends of loss, but not on standard register policies (guess which one is more useful?).  When policy changes employees are informed at meetings at the beginning of shifts, unless it's too busy for a meeting or you're not there that day, in which case you're screwed.  Employees are castigated at meetings for refusing to come in on days off (which the company is not entitled to and perhaps is a symptom of how awful the job is) and then castigated for working too many hours.  All part time employees have been cut to a maximum of 25 hours per week so the company doesn't have to pay health insurance, despite this making it hell as there are no longer enough people working on any given day to finish all the work when there are stock deliveries.  Raises are given once a year only, despite me having taken on managerial duties I will not make anymore for scheduling breaks and running the front end cash registers.  I will not get a raise related to extra duties until I become an assistant manager, which is two ranks, and a myriad of duties away.  I am at minimum wage and getting ulcers from the stress of my position.

Also consider that productivity has gone up 25% in the last 30 years but minimum wage has stagnated.  So I am doing 25% more work for less pay, while having to have assumed skills in many more areas (computer literacy is a big one), with the crazily heightened expectations of the entitled consumer public.  I get to absorb the blows from customers who are upset with corporate policy and want to feel like a big shot by yelling at someone about it, conveniently forgetting that these policies were made by men who do not care about customer experience.  People are mean to me all day, because I have to repeat that I can't return underwear, because I have to collect ID information to do a return without a receipt, because the store won't allow employees to search for items on the floor when a customer calls asking for it, because the company won't allow us inventory access so customers have to come in and look.  Doing any of these things may result in me getting fired.  When a customer dithers about whether to get something in the middle of a sale this actually harms me.  Most companies track the productivity of their cashiers by measuring how long it takes them to do a specific action.  When someone deliberates or can't find their payment, or refuses to move from the counter to reorganize their wallet so I can call someone else up, they are dropping my productivity scores, with results in lectures from management over things I cannot control.  This is why cashiers hurry you, because their employment may be in jeopardy.

To cap it off I get to spend all day walking on concrete floors and lifting and bending in repetitive ways.  I get backaches, and sore knees and am currently limping on both feet from the cumulative pain of long shifts (and before you start in, yes, there are 'anti-fatigue mats', which in my extensive experience do nothing but create trip hazards.  But I don't deserve health insurance.

When I do my job brilliantly I am beneath notice by the customers and just barely meeting expectations of the company.  When I make a single mistake I am treated as criminally stupid (I had a customer loudly claim that the reason ID was needed for certain returns was because all employees were thieves) and then made to feel by management as though my job is in danger.  Contact with management is limited to being told off about mistakes. This includes being marked down on scores because saying "Hi there!" is not an acceptable substitute for saying "Hello!" when greeting someone approaching the register.

You wonder why store staff act like they don't care?  If they did they'd die from the stress.

Butthurt

Not in the 'someone doesn't agree with me on the internet and I don't like it' way.

So my bike, the old Ross that I've riding the past three months, has had its final say.  On the way home yesterday I stood up on the pedal (as you do) to start off at a stoplight and the chain slipped, dropping the pedal and me about 18 inches, spectacularly bruising my thigh and ass on the frame and twisting my right foot  backwards.  After riding home in a wobbly, pained manner I spent the evening lying on my side, as my rear was too painful to put pressure on.  This morning I head off to work on the bike and can't figure out why the back wheel is wobbling so much.  Turns out that part of the frame that the back wheel attaches to had snapped clean through rendering the frame pretty damn worthless. This made for a pretty shitty day at work, especially considering I was already limping and sore from the chain slip.

I just didn't need that.  Thankfully husband has a bike he doesn't use, so I can pump up the front tire and be on my way, but ugh.  Now I have to see if it can even be fixed and how much it costs to do a weld, and most likely part out the bike.  I do live in a bike friendly area, so that shouldn't be an issue at least.

The insides of things are always fascinating

In this specific instance I'm referring to one of the bridges in town.  I got to go on a tour that went into the guts of the bridge while it raised, and have been geeking out over how cool watching a 3.5 million lb counter weight raise a giant chunk of road is.  (It's f-ing interesting and awesome)

Also, if you do anything naughty on a bridge you are being caught on camera and the people watching the cameras are alerting all the other engineers so they can laugh at you.

I'm offended for the Wheat Thins

I'm going to rant about Wheat Thins and food moralization and some related issues.

So I'm at the grocery store, meandering towards the register and thinking about the delicious sandwich that I'm about to buy that I've been craving for a week and I hear this "Wheat Thins are actually bad for you." "Yeah, they're like, SO bad for you!"  Two ladies dressed in nice workout gear are headed down the cracker/chip/cookie aisle and discussing the merits of various foods.  And I got pissed.  Please, explain to me how a multi-grain wheat cracker is 'bad' for you.  Because I think we can pretty much agree that multi-grain stuff is pretty good for you and Wheat Thins are delicious and filling and go very well with a number of other delicious foods, which puts it solidly into the 'good' food category for me.  Now I'm aware that it's 'bad' because it has the dreaded calories, that a Wheat Thin might be responsible for causing someone to gain weight, and if someone were to gain weight or even *gasp* be fat, well, that would just be the end of the world wouldn't it?  See, that's the problem, we (speaking specifically of American culture) have the most ridiculous fixation on body size and of moralizing our food (I know we're not the first to do it, I'm still pissed off about it).  Food is food.  We should be able to love to eat it, enjoy it, and be thankful for it and for those that grow or raise it.  We should feel able to eat till we're full and eat what we like and need and not have people railing at us from televisions and magazines that we're somehow lesser for not eating it the 'right' way, whatever that happens to be.  We should be able to enjoy it without being judged for enjoying it, for judging ourselves for enjoying it.   I was offended, because I love to eat.  I enjoy eating.  I'm thankful that I can eat, that I can often buy the things I want, that I can enjoy my food without feeling guilty over nothing.  And the mere memory of living a life where every meal is an exercise in guilt and self loathing infuriates me.

Timeline of my commute

8:38: Exit the sliding glass door while using foot to block cat from escaping
8:39: Unlock bike.  Bark shin on pedal or frame as bike rolls in some unpredictable direction
8:42: Push bike onto sidewalk and get started.  Utter some phrase like "Sweet fucking Jesus!" when I realize how cold it still is
8:43: Perform slightly illegal zig-zag to get into bike lane on right lane of street
8:46: Remind self to keep eyes on road, rather than watch for trains going under overpass and lose momentary control of bike
8:49: Encounter multiple joggers clad in brand new Nike gear, allow super cyclist to pass me
8:53: Smell potato salad, get terribly hungry
9:00: Halfway!  Always get stuck at this fucking light.
9:02: And this one.
9:04: StupidfuckinghillstupidfuckinghillIhatethisfuckinghill...I made it! That hill isn't so bad!
9:06: Oh god!  Notice me in the bike lane while you merge. NOTICE ME! GAH! Notice me!!
9:09: Oh Krispy Kreme, you temptress...
9:14: I have to go right, look I'm signalling, I'm going righ- HOLY SHIT.  Ok, safe in the shopping center
9:15: Come to stop at entrance to parking lot.  Take off gloves and helmet, admire steam coming from eyes and chest, walk bike to rack and attempt to fix hair in windows along the way.

Going to work is always an adventure.

Unappreciative jerk

The worst part about carrying 30lbs of cat food and litter a mile home from the store is that I get no gratitude from the damn cat. YOU'RE WELCOME, kitty.

I put away 14 human powered miles today.  For the last 3 1/2 weeks I've done a 10.3 mile round trip commute to work 4-5 times a week.  It's exhausting and intense.  My leg muscles are getting sharply defined and I've lost a couple inches off my waist.  I am also ridiculously sore today.  I went especially hard the other night, trying to improve my 35 minute time, and I may have screwed myself over a bit.

I'm de-aging

Evidently.

Because my ID gets checked every time I buy a lottery ticket and the door to door salesman just asked if my parents were home.  I'm 27.

I think next time that happens I'll grab my pretty candy dish with the lid and say "Here they are, we haven't decided where to scatter them yet."

Beware the forwarded emails

You know the ones I mean.  They've been forwarded to about a thousand people, they have about 8 different fonts, all larger than size 16, they're the most offensive goddam things on the planet.

I just received one from an older friend and I know exactly what he was thinking when he sent it.  "Oh this is great!  Everyone will love it!"

HA.  HA.

So I'm reposting it in it's entirety so I can respond to the points without starting an email war that I could never win.

My commentary in italics, and 12 point.

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:  Men Are Just Happier People -

Totally, because blanket statements are a great way to start 

-  What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Yes, of course!  Husband didn't you know you were a simple creature?  No feelings for you! 

Your last name stays put.

Isn't that handy? And well contrived from centuries of patriarchy! 

The garage is all yours.

Yep, the garage belongs to my hus- oh WAIT.  NO IT DOESN'T.  Because my husband is an individual person who doesn't like hands on stuff, whereas I, love to fool around with a wood shop and power tools.  Clearly I am an aberration of nature.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Well, that's amazing.  Clearly I've been doing things wrong. 

Chocolate is just another snack.

Wait, you mean it isn't some horrible diet destroying love ending substance from which there is no escape that I should never eat but constantly feel guilty about eating? 

You can be President.

...I can't even... 

You can never be pregnant.

Uh, unless you're a trans person who decides to become pregnant.  Oh that's right, those people are just made up by the liberals, AMIRITE?! 

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

And so can I. 

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

And so can I. Though these water parks are in horrible, freethinking socialist places, so you probably aren't interested.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Isn't it awesome that it's totally ok for a car mechanic to cheat ladies, but it's somehow not ok for an IT person to do the same thing?  Just a thought that maybe your sense of justice DOESN'T EXIST.

The world is your urinal.

Public urination.  Totally manly and only illegal if you don't know the cop!  Hooray for police discrimination and human waste everywhere! 

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

Amazing what not having to touch gross things with your genitals can do for your sense of toilet discrimination.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

True, because men inherently know this.  Like geese flying south for the winter and finding their way home in the spring. Oh wait, THE GEESE HAVE TO LEARN IT TOO.

Same work, more pay.

Blatant sex discrimination!  So fun!  Gotta keep those wimmen in line! This way they'll just give up and stay in the kitchen 

Wrinkles add character.

Fuck you, I love my crow's feet.  I'm gonna be an awesome weird, old lady. 

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

Wedding dresses can cost that much.  Or you can be like everyone who isn't on Say Yes to the Dress and not pay that much.  Or you can be like me (and I'm sure many others) who bought my dress at Ross for $14.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Well, considering a lot of men's chests are eye height for me, this is pretty untrue. 

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

I'm guessing this person has never broken in men's dress shoes? Either that or my husband is doing something wrong. 

One mood all the time.

Totally true!  Husband never displays any emot-.  Wait, no, still total bullshit. 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

For many of my friends with telephone anxiety, yes. They are not all men. 

You know stuff about tanks.

I quizzed the husband.  He came up with "They... move?" 

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Yeah, for both of us.  Because I, the lady, packed it.

You can open all your own jars.

Yep, from the time my dad died, till the time I got married I had to go without jam. Or not. 

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If you're an uncaring, emotionally withholding asshole. 

If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend.

This applies to everyone who doesn't hold grudges for fun. 

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

These people have apparently never been to Fred Meyer.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

Yes.  However, I don't begrudge anyone for enjoying more...

You almost never have strap problems in public.

If you have ever watched a football or baseball game you know this to be complete bullshit. 

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

That's kind of true, at least based on my experience with husband.

Everything on your face stays its original color..

Only true if you don't use makeup. Because some men do and some women don't. But right, another liberal invention. 

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Um, my mom rocked her hairstyle for 25 years and I am well on my way to following. 

You only have to shave your face and neck.

Correction, you can shave all or nothing too. 

You can play with toys all your life.

Yes.  We ladies don't have any fun after we stop playing with dollies.  We're just too busy making sandwiches.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

Can we try, one color till they wear out?  Or, as many fucking colors as you feel like?

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..

True, because the shorts police are pretty serious in my area.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

... That's a bit dangerous and also a torture technique.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Right!  Because as a lady I can only do what my man says I can do with my body hair! 

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives  On December 24 in 25 minutes.

It's called Amazon one day shipping.

No wonder men are happier.

Gotta love the patriarchy! 

Men Are Just Happier People NICKNAMES  · If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.  · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman ..

I have never heard men do this.  Who the hell does do it?  I seriously think this was a tv invention.

EATING OUT  · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back...  · When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Um, no.  I have never, ever heard of people of any gender who do this. 

MONEY  · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.  · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

I don't know why the man version is better.

BATHROOMS  · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.  · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Husband can identify all of my bathroom items. Especially since he's the one who bought the fancy lotion for me. Also, I don't know who has a bathroom that can hold that much stuff.

ARGUMENTS  · A woman has the last word in any argument.  · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Are husband and I freaks because we don't communicate like this?

FUTURE  · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.  · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

YEP. VICIOUS LIFE AND MONEY SUCKING SHREWS. OH THOSE WIMMEN. 

MARRIAGE  · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.  · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

This is why there are help columns.  Because people have poor expectations of relationships from shit like this. 

DRESSING UP  · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.  · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Yep!  We wimmen have learned our places as decorative items well.

NATURAL  · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed...  · Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Checked with husband. "You look the same after waking up as you do after sex.  I have NO complaints." 

OFFSPRING  · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.  · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Absentee parenting!  It's the best! 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY  A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Sure, because in no way is marriage a two way street or anything where you should support your partner...

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ....

HA. HA.     HA. 

and to the men who will enjoy reading it..

This whole thing came with the title "Gender Truisms" which told me I was in for a delightful ride of sexism.  I think the one that gets me the most was the "You can be president!" line.  Closely followed by the "send it to the women who have a sense of humor and can handle it".  Translation: send it to the women who know their place and aren't going to be angry that you're celebrating sex discrimination.

*RAGEFLAIL*